No beauty in this breakdown..
August 16, 2009
WARNING : THIS BLOG IS VERY DEPRESSING, REAL AND RAW!!
I'm depressed to the fullest.. Things with my Grams aren't going to good.. Earlier this year my Grams was diagnosed with Alzheimer.. Since the moment I found that out I'm not going to lie a black cloud of depression came over me and hasn't left .. Besides my sister and my Mom, my grams means everything to me.. I read and read about this illness and the more depressed I get.. So I decided not to read about anymore.. Recently my Mom told me my Grams is in the hospital and have somethings going on with her that they had 2 call 2 specialist's in to try to figure out whats wrong with her.. She had to have 2 blood transfusions.. My Grams in 83 years old, so I can't even wrap my brain around the pain and stress her body is going through right now.. I try to be the strong one for my Mom bcuz she comes to me and talks to me about everything going on with my Grams.. But, yesterday, yesterday was my "breaking point" not only did I break down and cry in front of my Mom which made her cry! I cried myself to sleep.. It's a lot harder since I'm not in Hawaii and can't actually see her.. So I have all these images in my head and it's completely driving me mad and draining me emotionally .. I don't deal with my emotions very well.. I can tell my Mom wants to comfort me, but she knows I shut down.. Right now I'm at work and very moody, emotional, snappy and not all there mentally .. I don't know what to do .. I try not to think about this -> I know my Grams isn't going to live forever, but I honestly know when that day comes YEARS down the road I won't be OK.. I won't!! I know that my whole world will come to a complete stop.. I mean look at me now!! SMH! I'm a mess I'm sitting here at work crying.. being a bitch to my sister.. And can't seem to get a grip on my thoughts .. Well this little vent-blogging help a little, I guess.. Until next time..
Make sure You tell ur loved ones just how much u love them!!
I'm depressed to the fullest.. Things with my Grams aren't going to good.. Earlier this year my Grams was diagnosed with Alzheimer.. Since the moment I found that out I'm not going to lie a black cloud of depression came over me and hasn't left .. Besides my sister and my Mom, my grams means everything to me.. I read and read about this illness and the more depressed I get.. So I decided not to read about anymore.. Recently my Mom told me my Grams is in the hospital and have somethings going on with her that they had 2 call 2 specialist's in to try to figure out whats wrong with her.. She had to have 2 blood transfusions.. My Grams in 83 years old, so I can't even wrap my brain around the pain and stress her body is going through right now.. I try to be the strong one for my Mom bcuz she comes to me and talks to me about everything going on with my Grams.. But, yesterday, yesterday was my "breaking point" not only did I break down and cry in front of my Mom which made her cry! I cried myself to sleep.. It's a lot harder since I'm not in Hawaii and can't actually see her.. So I have all these images in my head and it's completely driving me mad and draining me emotionally .. I don't deal with my emotions very well.. I can tell my Mom wants to comfort me, but she knows I shut down.. Right now I'm at work and very moody, emotional, snappy and not all there mentally .. I don't know what to do .. I try not to think about this -> I know my Grams isn't going to live forever, but I honestly know when that day comes YEARS down the road I won't be OK.. I won't!! I know that my whole world will come to a complete stop.. I mean look at me now!! SMH! I'm a mess I'm sitting here at work crying.. being a bitch to my sister.. And can't seem to get a grip on my thoughts .. Well this little vent-blogging help a little, I guess.. Until next time..
Make sure You tell ur loved ones just how much u love them!!
Posted by Michelle Kipilii.
I gave this blog section the title of: A look into a chaotic mind, simply bcuz my mind is very chaotic.. I'm a very deep thinker.. I have a very dark side to me, I also have a very bubbly and cheerful side.. You never really know what side your going to come incontact with.. So in these blogs you get to see and know a little of whats really going on in this head of mine..