Jan 7, 2010
Posted by Michelle Kipilii on Friday, January 8, 2010
Where were you at 2 o'clock in the morning on January 7th? I was sleeping only to be woken up by my Mom crying, I asked her what was going on, She told me that my Grams had past away..........................
HATE, ANGER, SADNESS, DEPRESSION, UNKNOWN, REGRET ..
These are all the emotions I was hit with at once.. And they're still lingering around.. Hate And Anger.. Hate death. Angry at God.. Sad that she isn't going to be at the place I call home.. Depressed at the fact that I didn't get to see her one last time.. Regret.............................................. I'm not going to her funeral .. My Mom told me I would regret it, but I can't.. Last funeral I went to was my Aunt Vernine's.. 1st and last.. I can't go back there and see her in a box.. I can't even imagine walking through the gate at her house.. My childhood home isn't a home anymore.. My Grams isn't there.. I wont see her sitting by the back door anymore.. I wont walk into the living room and see her watching Lifetime movies anymore.. I wont hear her voice anymore..
I hate this thing called death, I have never been able to understand why people who are so caring and loving have to die.. Why they get the illnesses .. Why can't these murderers or these child-molesters get it?
I understand my Grams lived a long and happy life, but I'm not ready to let her go!! I want to wake up from this dream.. She can't be gone, she's the one person beside Charla and my Mom who cared.. She's the reason My Mom is here, the reason me and my sister is here on earth.. Earth, Life, Reality all this isn't the same without her....
Me and my Grams always had a close relationship, a grandchild's relationship with there grandmother isn't something that can be broken.. My Grams has given me so much, and i just want to call and hear her say "I'm gonna come to Seattle to visit you guys" and me telling her its to cold....
I'm going to continue to be angry at God until I find the answers I need.. Maybe one day I'll find them.. Maybe I wont.. Until that day, My relationship with him..... done!
HATE, ANGER, SADNESS, DEPRESSION, UNKNOWN, REGRET ..
These are all the emotions I was hit with at once.. And they're still lingering around.. Hate And Anger.. Hate death. Angry at God.. Sad that she isn't going to be at the place I call home.. Depressed at the fact that I didn't get to see her one last time.. Regret.............................................. I'm not going to her funeral .. My Mom told me I would regret it, but I can't.. Last funeral I went to was my Aunt Vernine's.. 1st and last.. I can't go back there and see her in a box.. I can't even imagine walking through the gate at her house.. My childhood home isn't a home anymore.. My Grams isn't there.. I wont see her sitting by the back door anymore.. I wont walk into the living room and see her watching Lifetime movies anymore.. I wont hear her voice anymore..
I hate this thing called death, I have never been able to understand why people who are so caring and loving have to die.. Why they get the illnesses .. Why can't these murderers or these child-molesters get it?
I understand my Grams lived a long and happy life, but I'm not ready to let her go!! I want to wake up from this dream.. She can't be gone, she's the one person beside Charla and my Mom who cared.. She's the reason My Mom is here, the reason me and my sister is here on earth.. Earth, Life, Reality all this isn't the same without her....
Me and my Grams always had a close relationship, a grandchild's relationship with there grandmother isn't something that can be broken.. My Grams has given me so much, and i just want to call and hear her say "I'm gonna come to Seattle to visit you guys" and me telling her its to cold....
I'm going to continue to be angry at God until I find the answers I need.. Maybe one day I'll find them.. Maybe I wont.. Until that day, My relationship with him..... done!